Criminal Law - Peering Into the Pits

Nov

7

Criminal Law - Peering Into the Pits

≡ Category: Drama, Mainstream, Movie Reviews, Not Worth Your Time, Suspense, United States |
≅ Written by: Michael Kydonieus

Country: United States
Genre: Drama/ Suspense/ Mainstream
Director: Martin Campbell
Year: 1988

Rating:

NOT WORTH YOUR TIME

Criminal Law starts out with a quote from Nietzsche: “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” I’m not sure which is worse; the utter pretentiousness of the quote, or the nonsense that follows.

Every once in a while, I see an old movie that is so inept that I marvel that it was ever released. The average episode of Law & Order has more suspense and insight into the human condition than the whole of Criminal Law.

In the opening scenes, defense attorney Ben Chase (Gary Oldman) gets Martin Thiel (Kevin Bacon) off on a rape and murder charge. No sooner than he’s been released, Martin continues his murder spree, going so far as to retain the services of Chase in the eventuality that he’s apprehended. Chase decides that he has to “get” Martin, no matter what the cost.

There isn’t a believable moment in Criminal Law. The psychology of the killer is trumped up, but none of the other characters make any sense either. The strategies the characters employ are complete logical non sequiturs as well. The dialog is tin-eared, like a dog trying to sing Schubert. Even the normally reliable Gary Oldman and Kevin Bacon are terrible. Oldman swaggers like a clown in the early courtroom scenes and sprays spittle whenever he’s really upset. Bacon demonstrates the lunacy of the character by bugging out his eyes like Al Jolson.

Since you can’t believe in the characters or the situation, any suspense that’s achieved has to be purely mechanical. Unfortunately, director Martin Campbell, who went on to make much better pictures, like The Mask of Zorro and Casino Royale, directs in howlingly dull movie-of-the-week style. Practically every single shot is a cliche, most of them aren’t motivated in any logical way, and the pacing is dead on arrival — Criminal Law just lies there on the screen like a dead mackerel.

Criminal Law fails in every conceivable way: as character study, as a thriller, as suspense, as romance, and as drama. The best way to salvage this mess would be to cut up the film negative to use as guitar picks.